Even though people told me I was accomplished writer, I never believed them until recently. I was on the Island of Kauai at a writer’s conference. Warm tropical air surrounded me as I pulled up a chair to meet with an agent. This was the first time I had ever done an author pitch. I put on a brave face although inside I was petrified.
The fifteen-minutes flew by. I noticed out of the corner of my eye, a man waiting for his turn. I thanked the agent and threw out one last request, “Can I send you a proposal when it’s ready?”
“Sure, she said. I’ll take a look at it.”
As I walked away, I congratulated myself. That wasn’t so bad. I delivered all my lines just like I had rehearsed them. However, my initial confidence faded when a woman approached me looking worried and asked, “Are you okay?”
Was it that obvious? My face flushed with embarrassment. Shame and discomfort were written all over my face. Here I thought I looked confident and apparently, I looked as if I had just seen a ghost. My chorus of critical voices descended upon me. What a phony. She must have known I was faking it. I am never convinced I know what I am doing. Fortunately, I didn’t have any more agent meetings scheduled that afternoon.
After the conference I rented a car and drove up to the North Shore of Kauai, my favorite place to be. I rented a beautiful condo on the edge of a bluff. From the lanai all I could see was the ocean stretching into the distance. Entranced, I watched the sun rise and set. I was blessed one night with a full moon, which rose like a giant head light giant head light on the horizon, full and bright. I fell into a rhythm of proofing my memoir Finding Venerable Mother. For the next four days I walked around the living room pacing and reading the text out loud. When I wanted a break, I drove over to Tunnels beach, strapped on a snorkel and floated among the tropical fish parading by. Then I’d go back to proofing.
On day four a tiny miracle happened. I was reading the last two chapters and realized the writing moved me in a way I had never experienced before. I liked what I had written; it was deep and profound, magical even. Then it occurred to me. This is good. That’s the moment I knew I was a writer, and had a lot to say. It wasn’t a huge explosion, just a subtle awakening. Now when someone I meet asks me, what do you do? I answer them confidently. I am a writer and I just completed my first book.
Cindy— I’m so happy for your Thailand adventure and your new book! I can’t wait to read your book and know more about you.
Thanks Carol! Good to hear from you. Hope you are doing well.
Beautiful…so proud and happy for you! You are an inspiration!!!